Funeral Flower Etiquette UK
what to send and what to avoid.

Why etiquette matters with funeral flowers

A funeral tribute is, above all else, a gesture. It speaks for the people who choose it — often when words fall short — and it sits in a public, formal setting where small choices read very loudly. The wrong colour palette, the wrong size, an inappropriate ribbon: each of these can subtly miscommunicate, even when the intent is generous and the cost is high.

This guide collects the conventions of British funeral floristry as we encounter them, week after week, across every borough of Greater London. None of these are absolute rules — taste and tradition vary by family, by faith and by region — but they are the assumptions a London funeral director will make unless told otherwise, and the assumptions our network of trusted local florists works to.

Who sends flowers, and who does not

The starting point is always the funeral notice. If the notice reads "family flowers only, donations to charity X", the family has asked for restraint. Send a card and a donation; do not send flowers. If the notice asks for "donations in lieu of flowers", treat that as the same instruction. Sending flowers anyway after such a notice is one of the few acts of bad etiquette that can genuinely upset a grieving family.

If the notice is silent on the subject, or specifically welcomes flowers, the convention in the UK is that flowers are sent by:

• Immediate family — a single principal piece (a casket spray, a "MUM" or "DAD" letter tribute, or a heart) typically sits at the head of the casket. This is the most personal piece and is often the only one explicitly named.
• Extended family, friends and colleagues — wreaths, sprays, posies and arrangement baskets sized appropriately for the venue.
• Workplaces and clubs — a single piece signed jointly is more dignified than several small pieces from individual staff members.
• Children and grandchildren — small posies or letter tributes (NAN, GRANDAD) are common and welcome.

Choosing colour: the British convention

Traditional British funeral palettes are restrained: white, cream, soft greens, pale pink, pale lilac. White lilies, white roses, eucalyptus and English ivy form the classic vocabulary. These colours read as respectful in any setting — Anglican, Catholic, civil — and they photograph well in chapel light.

Increasingly, families request bright or personality-led palettes — yellow for a friend, red for a partner, deep blue for a Naval service, sunflowers for a gardener, the colours of a football club. These are entirely appropriate for a celebration-of-life service, and our florists compose them weekly. The thing to avoid is mixing palettes carelessly: a wreath that includes red roses, yellow chrysanthemums and pink carnations rarely looks intentional. Choose one palette and commit to it.

What size piece to send

Size matters more than people expect. A piece that is too small at a large service looks token; a piece that is too big at a small chapel of rest looks intrusive. The convention in London:

• Wreaths: 14–18 inches for ancillary tributes; 24–30 inches for principal family pieces; 36 inches and up for graveside or large outdoor services.
• Casket sprays: 90–120 cm full length for the principal spray; 60 cm for half-sprays, 45 cm for posy-style.
• Standing baskets: 35–50 cm for chapels; 60 cm and up for crematorium chapels with high ceilings.
• Letter tributes (MUM / DAD): 9 inches per letter is standard; 12–18 inches for graveside.

If you are unsure, the funeral director will tell you what fits. So will the florist composing the piece — ours always do, as a matter of course.

What to put on the card

Funeral cards are short by convention. A few words are usually enough; the names of the senders matter more than the message. Some safe formulas:

• "With deepest sympathy. The Smith family."
• "In loving memory. Tom, Sarah and the children."
• "Thinking of you all. — The team at [workplace]."
• "Forever in our thoughts. James and Margaret."

What to avoid: long passages of poetry the family did not choose; religious quotations sent to a non-religious family or vice versa; the phrase "rest in peace" abbreviated to "RIP" (it reads casually); informal sign-offs like "lots of love" outside very close family. Hand-written cards on uncoated stock are standard; printed cards are acceptable but read less personally. Our florists hand-write every card unless asked otherwise.

Timing and delivery

Funeral flowers should arrive at the venue 30–60 minutes before the service begins. The funeral director places them according to the family's wishes — typically the principal pieces flanking the casket, ancillary pieces at the foot of the casket or along the side aisles. The florist who delivered them does not stay; the gesture is the flowers, not the florist.

If you are sending tributes to a funeral home rather than to the service, deliver the day before. If you are sending sympathy flowers to the family home, time them carefully — the day after the death, or the morning after the service, are both correct. Avoid the morning of the service; the family is rarely at home then.

What to avoid

A short list of choices that read poorly at a British service:

• Vases of cut flowers — for a service venue, send a composed piece, not loose stems in a vase. Vases are appropriate for the family home.
• Highly scented blooms en masse — heavy lilies in a small chapel are overpowering and can trigger headaches. Use them sparingly.
• Sale flowers from supermarkets — they rarely hold for the duration of a service and the lack of presentation is conspicuous.
• Logos, plaques or photographs embedded in a tribute, unless the family has specifically asked. They date the piece and complicate the photographs.
• Faux or silk flowers — only acceptable as a long-lasting graveside tribute weeks after the service. At the service itself, fresh only.

Special cases worth knowing

Service-specific conventions to be aware of:

• Jewish services: traditionally no flowers — donations are sent instead. If you do not know the family's level of observance, send a card and ask.
• Muslim and Hindu services: flowers are increasingly accepted in the UK, but conventions vary by family. White is safe; check with the funeral director.
• Civil ceremonies: all the conventions above apply, but the family's choices set the tone — read the notice carefully and follow what is asked.
• Direct cremations: there is often no service to attend. Flowers can be sent to the crematorium or, more commonly, to the family home in the days that follow.

One last principle

The piece should recall the person, not demonstrate the florist. Restraint is almost always the more truthful answer. If you are unsure what to send, write to us — our florists have composed for thousands of London services, and a short email exchange usually resolves the question better than an hour of indecision.